mumistheword | PSL: Noctis

[ Six, that smile. It takes Ignis's hungover breath the hell away, even slightly fuzzy as he sees it, and he wants to keep it forever, even as he knows it does not belong to him. (It never did. It never would.)

Then it melts into narrowed eyes, almost a glare, and a shoulder poke. And... Noctis a little angry is really almost as beautiful as Noctis smiling and how did he let himself fall this far?

He takes a deep breath and holds it, eyes finally fluttering away from the Prince's face. ]

Like that, yes. You were not supposed to see that.

The apology is honest. You are already dealing with plenty of things that range from unpleasant to worrying. I should not have added another to the list.

[ He is looking away. But that can't quite hide the hurt on his not-quite-as-calm-as-usual-thank-you-hangover face. And he is not letting go of how he is holding Noctis, either. ]

What?

[ Noct has to take a second to blink at Ignis, processing the apology, because it's just so... bizarre. So out of right field, completely unwarranted, not what he was getting at at all. And yet it's so perfectly Ignis that he can't help but blow out a breath in a sigh, irritation not at Ignis but at himself for making it sound like he was angry about finding Ignis puking his guts into the toilet. ]

No, no way, that's not what I mean. Ignis... [ He purses his lips, brow furrowing. It's not a burden to know that something's going on with his advisor, his friend, but it doesn't feel like he can come right out and say that. ] I mean, why were you drunk enough that you were puking your guts out?

[ Oh.

Ignis actually stops breathing for a moment. And his mind overrides for a moment. He knows the appropriate thing is to deflect it. But he also knows that look in Noct's eyes, and that the only way to stop him from digging into this is to hurt him. Which he should do, he should. He should make him start pushing away, start them settling on their proper places.

But he can't.

He bites his lip, hard, a punishment for his weakness. Swallows. Opens his eyes to look at Noct, because he is pretty certain of at least some of what he'll see, but he wants to see it. ]

I needed to forget, if only for one night... [ Slow, deep breath. ] That I seem to have developed totally inappropriate feelings. For somebody who is getting married, too.

As I said. I did not want to add to the list.

[ Noctis's eyes widen as Ignis speaks. At first, it's out of concern. What could Ignis, who prides himself on his memory, on knowing everything, possibly want to forget? And then he feels a rush of nausea, totally inappropriate and unfair, the sick burn of jealousy. Ignis... Ignis cares about someone. And Noctis is the prince, he knows why he can't say anything about his own feelings. He's just found out he's being married off as part of the treaty, after all.

But still. Still, he hates the idea of Ignis with anyone else, and he knows that's not fair. He doesn't have any right to feel that way, doesn't have any claim to Ignis's feelings. He knows that.

He's so busy fighting down the selfish recoil of hearing that Ignis likes someone, and wondering who they are, what kind of asshole wouldn't return Ignis's feelings — Ignis! Ignis who's pretty much the greatest guy in the world, even if he does nag Noct incessantly about eating his vegetables! — that it takes a second for the rest of what Ignis says to register.

And then Noctis does recoil, sitting bolt upright and staring at Ignis, mouth open in a very unflattering gape of shock. ]

You... You have inappropriate feelings? For me?

[ ... oh.

Ignis's sight is plenty good enough to make out the expression on Noct's face. And the headache that he's been trying to ignore since he opened his eyes slams hard behind them, with a vengeance of nausea, too. His hands curl up against his body for a moment, empty, cold, before he pushes himself to sit, keeping his distance.

Recoiling is the correct reaction, after all. ]

I apologize, Highness. [ He will keep it together. He will.

... except he doesn't, because it's been a while, of sharing intimacies and learning and teaching, and this changes it all, doesn't it? Ignis's voice breaks, just a little, with the very quiet, ] for everything.

[ The unflattering gaping with his mouth wide open apparently isn't going to be stopping any time soon, because what Ignis says makes zero sense. Why is Ignis apologizing? Oh, right, maybe because Noct's gaping like an idiot. That would do it.

He lunges forward, awkard in his attempts to throw himself closer to Ignis and clear up the misunderstanding all without doing something unforgivably dumb like accidentally headbutting Ignis. Yeah, that would suck, and probably Ignis is hungover enough to start throwing up again, which... yeck. No, that's not what he wants to do.

Noctis manages to just invade Ignis's personal space in the more normal way and grabs for one of Ignis's hands. He looks up at Ignis through the veil of his bangs, messy from sleep, still a little shellshocked with the revelation but earnest, entreating. ]

No! That's, shit, I'm really bad at this. You don't have to apologize. [ He flounders for a second, but he hates that awful, blank, formal look on Ignis's face. He hates that little crack in Ignis's voice, like Noct's hurt him. Better to just put it all out on the table and make an idiot of himself than leave Ignis like that. ] Me too. I've got, uh, totally inappropriate feelings for you, too.

[ It's automatic, to reach up to catch and steady Noct. That doesn't change anything, although the hold on his hand feels nice. Soothes, a tiny little bit, the bite of the earlier reaction.

Then, those words. And Ignis blinks. Raises his hand to brush away those bangs. Press a light finger across Noct's lips. Noct really should not say such things, how hurt would Lady Lunafreya be--

And then it hits him, what Noctis actually said, and h actually stops breathing, eyes wide. Fingers stroke the prince's cheek. ]

Noct? [ For once in his life, Ignis doesn't know what to say. Noct - Ignis truly tried to make sure to keep things light, not engaging. To not pull him closer, at every opportunity he had to. Because his life is already complicated, because there is no future, because to try to draw him in would be wrong, and here the words are and.

He loves me. Too.

These last days must have been hell on-- ]

Six, Noct. Come here. [ And he opens his arms to gather the prince close. ]

PSL: Noctis

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/gently resurrects